


he hadn't grown to hate her

by llgf



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Clone Wars, F/M, Past Relationship(s), They're sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-31
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2019-02-24 08:58:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13210368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/llgf/pseuds/llgf
Summary: Cassian hadn’t grown to hate her. It’s a surprise, it makes his eyes big and round when he sees her.She hasn’t changed, she has her chin up even as a clone tightens her handcuffs.Jyn’s jaw is tight, and that’s the only clue of what she feels about facing her ex-something. She can’t quite look at him in the eyes, even when he takes a step towards her.“What are you doing here?” he still has the same concern in his voice, a softness when he talks to her, and Jyn despises it.





	he hadn't grown to hate her

**Author's Note:**

  * For [angstlairde](https://archiveofourown.org/users/angstlairde/gifts).



> merry christmas!

Cassian hadn’t grown to hate her. It’s a surprise, it makes his eyes big and round when he sees her. 

She hasn’t changed, she has her chin up even as a clone tightens her handcuffs. 

Jyn’s jaw is tight, and that’s the only clue of what she feels about facing her ex- _ something.  _ She can’t quite look at him in the eyes, even when he takes a step towards her. 

“What are you doing here?” he still has the same concern in his voice, a softness when he talks to her, and Jyn despises it. 

He keeps his hands behind him, as if to give himself a presence around the clones, but his posture is faltering. Perhaps his shoulders get heavy with memories of a shared room in Coruscant, of her smile, of a handshake with Galen Erso, her father, her head on his pillow. 

And then the war, when Cassian had to pick a side. Jyn had not been good with it, she never had enough trust, she’d fled. 

(“I have to fight,” he’d said one night, “I have to do something.” 

He could only see her curves in the dark, and she hadn’t said a word.)

“Shopping,” she answers. 

There are orange stones on the ground; scritter amber. The planet is full of it. Piles of amber come out of the earth, as if the bones of an ancient creature have resurfaced. Lush flora, water flowing from the mountain walls. An uninhabited planet, devoid of all traces of war.

It was only a reconnaissance mission, they’d said, Pillio is not colonized yet. Chancellor Palpatine had asked that the army of the Republic visit, and establish if it could can be used for a base. This was a simple, low-risk tracking mission, but Cassian Andor keeps his blaster at his waist.

They’d searched the surroundings, to see if there were no droids or separatist army that had already claimed the place.

They found a girl, who breaks the piles with her big boots to take the pieces.

(The metaphor is not lost on him. Jyn crushed many things with her black boots and only left pieces.)

“What do we do with her, sir?” a clone asks. 

“She’s just a smuggler,” another one adds. 

“There’s a price on her head.”

Fair enough, a clone shows a hologram of her face and an impressive amount of credits.

It’s not her real name, though, and that’s a good thing. He puts the pieces together, and looks at who wants her head. 

“You were stealing amber to pay Jabba the Hutt?”

“I am not stealing anything. The planet is not colonized.”

She’s stubborn. And Cassian’s biting his tongue. 

Jyn never paid attention to the consequences, to what her actions meant. The daughter of a former republican engineer being the target of bounty hunters is a problem. 

“Jy-” he starts, but it’s not the name written on the hologram, “Kestrel.”

“Don’t start,” she says, and a clone raises his weapon when she rolls her shoulders back. 

“Do you know her, sir?”

“Yes, just -” Cassian fidgets, bites his cheek, “leave us.”

He can see she wants to run as soon as she’s free from the handcuffs, and he would let her. But they both stay planted in the ground. 

“The galaxy is small,” she mutters, kicking the pieces of amber on the ground. 

(It is small, because everywhere he goes he sees her, in the sound of a blaster, in a crowd or in the stars.)

“Kestrel,” he starts, but he can’t say another word when she raises her eyes. 

He’d loved to look at her across the room full of politicians, she could never hide her boredom - she could never hide anything when you looked closely enough.

Maybe if he’d had the guts to ask Galen for her hand she would have stayed. But what is a ring when handcuffs or even love can’t hold her back? 

Jyn had muttered the word against his lips once, so it had been even more painful. He had been on a mission, accompanying Chirrut to Takodana for the Jedi council, and when he came back there was nothing. 

She hadn’t left a thing, not even a note, or where she was going. She’d stolen a ship and left. 

Her dad had left 2 days before her, and the Senate was worried, but the war had started and all the reinforcements were sent elsewhere. 

He had tried to go after them, but the chancellor gave him missions across the galaxy. And soon missions became just a way to avoid an empty room. 

“Cassian,” she just says, and turns on her heel to leave. 

But he grasps her wrist fast, “I can’t let you go.” 

“And why not?”

“You’re Galen Erso’s daughter,” he murmurs, taking a brief look around him, “bounty hunters are after you. It’s too risky.”

“What for? The secrets my father never shared about the Republic?”

He should ask where her father is, if he works for the separatists now, but - 

His hand is on her wrist, her hand balled into fist. He’d rather have that, a punch in his nose, something, than the emptiness she’d left behind her. 

He hadn’t grown to hate her, and it really is a surprise. 

So instead he wants to ask her how she is, where does she stay?

(Do you,  _ maybe _ , miss me?)

“It’s bullshit,” she spits, “I have nothing to give them, and you know it.”

Cassian lets her go then, and she immediately rubs her wrist as if burned. “And your dad?” he asks.

Jyn’s calmer, she huffs and looks at the row of clones near the ship, “I don’t know where he is,” she whispers, “I tried to follow him. It’s been months since I was looking for him when I met Jabba. He had something I needed, but I couldn’t pay.” Now I have to.” Her voice is monotonous, factual. 

“I could have helped you, you know.” His is broken and low. 

“By sending an army of clones?” her chin points at the troopers, kicking rocks and flowers. 

“I would have left with you. I wanted to go after you.”

“But you didn’t,” she huffs, “I wouldn’t have let you anyway, you’d just become captain, you were fighting.”

( _ For something I believe in _ , he’d said once.)

“You could have left a note, something.” He could yell, really, she’s unnerving, stubborn and selfish. 

“Everything alright, Captain?” a clone asks from behind him. 

“Yes,” he huffs, “Prepare the ship, we’ll leave soon.”

“What do we do with her?”

Jyn hasn’t moved, but she’s looking elsewhere. He can’t ask her to stay, even if he wants to. “Nothing.”

“But sir - “

“She gave precious informations for the Republic, she can go,” he lies. 

Maybe he’ll be in trouble for this, but Cassian can’t bring himself to care. If they ask, he’ll just lie again. 

Cassian grabs her bag and puts back her blaster and the amber. 

“If you need anything, Jyn,” he starts, handing her her full bag, “you find me.”

Jyn grabs the bag and puts it on her shoulder. She’s wearing her old gloves and her eternal bun, nothing changed but everything had. “Just -“ she hesitates, and he recognizes her, she’d caressed his face and kissed him many times with assurance, but she’d always had a struggle with words, “ask around for me?”

Cassian nods. 

He watches her go, while the clones yell orders at each other, note down the last things they need about Pillio, this little uncolonized planet. 

He smiles because later, she’ll groan and shout his name, because she doesn’t need his help, but she’ll still use the 500 credits he left in her bag. 

He hadn’t grown to hate her, and he probably will never. 


End file.
